Land below me plays in different colours. Rust to dust. Dead green to wet asphalt grey. I`m a bird high in the sky and thousand eyes within me don`t blink looking down.
"Come, land here, friend", I whisper to myself, but bird shudders and changes course, heading away from rusty symmetry.
Thousand tiny voices within me gasp sadly as I fall deep down. Bird is too far away now.
Too far away from Zone...
...wet road down the hill nurses me. Wind makes me jump high then fall back again. I`m a paper wisp now. Doomed to roll up and down. There is something written on me, but I cant read and so cant thousand eyes within me.
"Read"... what does it mean anyway?
I close my eyes and jump in the darkness...
...wood beneath me is rough and grainy. I am a gear on the table. Other gears do not look at me. They are numb and have not thousand eyes within them. Light rain outside the window brings rust and decomposition to everything in the yard. Except for the truck. Surrounded by corrosed metal jungle it looks out of time and space. New. Blue. Shiny.
"Truck".
How do I know that word?
How do I know any word?
Thousand voices within hush me and I jump again...
...its almost too far away from Zone. I can see but can not whisper. My fur is wet and cold. Dark figures throw bottles at me. Laugh. Whistle.
I am scared to death. Figures in uniforms make noises, outcrying distant thunder rolling.
"Uniforms..." word tastes familiar. How...
"Hush..." thousand voices within comfort me. "Hush..."
Darkness gets thicker, rain shapes into heavy mass. My docked tail gets colder.
I am dog trying to get past the soldiers. They won`t let me.
Panic deep in the chest. Strident whine breaks out of my lungs. They won`t let me pass.
Suddenly air shrills near my left ear. Dry crackles. Dim flashes. Dog knows it means death. I know it means guns.
How do I know?...
Me and the dog - we turn around and run. Run far away in the darkness. Far away from drunken soldiers. Closer to me.
I can whisper now...
"Don`t be afraid."
"Calm down."
"Come here."
Whispers are soft and warm and comforting. Rain is cold.
"Come here."
"Its warm here."
"Come here."
We cautiously sneak through the rusty jungle. I lead the way. We are friends.
"Come here."
We feel cozy now. We know that it is going to be warm and safe there. We will simply wait until the rain ends. And maybe tomorrow soldiers will be friendly. Maybe they will even give some food. Yes. They will feed us. Tomorrow.
"Come here."
Shiny truck scares us a bit, but we quickly sneak past it. It is close now. That door...
"Come."
Light flash of panic surges from tale to chest but voice is so close and so warm now that we dont really care.
We enter darkness of the warehouse. Place is dry and welcoming. Something touches us, something moves in our fur. Our veins. It is good to be home...
Thousand voices thank me. Within. I feel light and ecstatic. I am wet paper wisp on the road again.
Thank you.
Morning arrives with metal monster. Paper wisp is so wet that can not fly anymore and jeep rolls over it. Over me. Voices.
"I`ll be back in the evening. Wait me here. Deal?"
"I don`t know if five grands are worth the risk. No one has even mapped this sector."
"Well, then you`ll be the first. Come on, no pain - no gain."
Words hit me hard. No pain no gain. Thousand voices within try to comfort me, but suddenly I feel...
...unhappy?
"Yeah, it`s easy for you to say."
"We`re all gonna die. Live with it. Ok, gotta go now, Carl. Old Fart is coming out of Zone anytime soon. Gotta hurry, they say soldiers are patroling again."
"What was Fart after? Beetles?"
"You bet. Everybody seems lost their minds since Kuguar found them."
"What`s the big deal?"
"Who the hell cares. Bring some to me. Tool had seen them in this area."
"Yeah, Tool..."
"See ya."
Metal monster roars. Tires squeek and its silent again. Heavy boot treads paper wisp in the dirt. Treads me in the dirt.
Thousand voices urge me to jump. Thousand friends around me. Within me. But I feel unhappy and alone in the dirt and dont want to jump. No today. Never.
"Hush..."
And I jump...
...my eyes ache from plentitude of colors. Road leads down the hill, deep into morning mist. Hands keep gun. I whistle something. Everything is wrong. Road leads down the hill. What the hell. No pain no gain. Mary needs new cloth. Everybody needs jink. What the hell. We`re all going to die anyway.
Live with it.
Mist doesn`t back off as it should. Trees dissapear. Every time in the Zone is like fall into rabbit hole.
Zone.
No! Not "zone"! Home! But foreign thoughts continue to surge through, ignoring my weakness and fear. And suddenly I realize that warm and cozy warehouse is not my home. But where is it then?
Thousand voices within try to comfort me.
"Hussh...hussh...hussh."
But I do not listen to them. There is something I have to remember. Something important that slips away again and again.
I can not focus on it. Thousand eyes within watch me cautiously.
"Back off!" I scream suddenly.
We stop. Man stops. No more whistling, just a sense of danger.
Live with it.
Gun seeks enemy but there is only mist and tiny voice in the head.
"Go away."
My voice.
Man opens his mouth. Closes. Then opens again. It`s foolish. Talking to no one. But then again - there is no one around listening.
"Who are you?"
I don`t know.
"I don`t know."
Man looks around. Only mist and rusted vehicles. He has reached the old garage. Alexey used to work here until...until the Incident.
"Go away."
But man has regained his courage. Too much coffee probably. Most likely. Zone does not talk to you. It stalks you.
Man warily sneaks through mechanized jungle. Shiny truck. Better avoid these things. So many years and not even a slightest shadow of corrosion.
Zone.
Man has reached the old warehouse. Sense of danger sleeps deep in the guts.
I see through his eyes but now I know that they`re not mine. They`re Carl`s eyes. Carl Zeiss.
I know his name.
I know his name.
Thousand voices within order me to calm down, pretend being friends, but they don`t know my name. Friends know each other`s names, isn`t it?
What is mine?
Carl carefully approaches door. Gun is ready.
What is mine?
Door squeks like whipped dog. Me and Carl - we try to adapt to darkness inside. And then something moves and gasps heavily in the corner.
Our gun doesn`t wait. Dim flash. Burst of bullets and suddenly...
I know. I don`t belong here. I just want to remember...
Carl has flashlight in his shaking hand. Piece of canned sun searches the corner until stumbles upon grotesque doll. Eyes wide open. Mouth wide open. Arms wide open. Shot wound in the chest wide open. And hundreds of bugs crawling all over the body, trying to escape the light. Metal blue bugs hiding beneath the jacket. Beneath the skin. Beneath the flesh.
I just want to remember...
"Sergey...", Carl whispers.
That`s it.
Sergey...Tool for friends. My blood filled eyes look at Carl with gratitude.
"Thank you...Carl."
Hundreds of tiny parasites leave my dying body. Fat stream of metal blue beetles runs to paralised dog lying near.
I feel light so light now. No pain.
Live with it.
****
That evening Carl returned from Zone with helluva load of beetles.